I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
He melted the stem
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby