Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.