Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.