any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
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apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
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Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities