So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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