i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
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So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
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I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.