your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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