I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
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Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
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I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high