i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
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I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???