And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My bed smells like the plague
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