I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
