Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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