i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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