A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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