no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
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