he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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