And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
