When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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