So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize