I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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