but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
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I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
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My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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