Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
my being single is dangerous.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
