I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
