Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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