So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Randomize
