whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
