you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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