She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
