piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
