Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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