dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
