all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
did i walk over a car last night?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
