you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize