i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
