I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
