Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize