never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
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first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
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Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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