my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
