My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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