His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
