My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize
