She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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