drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
