She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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