My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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