It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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