Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
