Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
