I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
