apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
