Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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