i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
