dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
