So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It was confusing and full of hummus
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
