I got her a Nickelback box set.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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