she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
