***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
