i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
