i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
