a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize