There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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