I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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