I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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