We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
