Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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