I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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