I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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