Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
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Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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