It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
