I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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