.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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