i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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