I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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