hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
where does the pee come out of this thing
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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