PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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