just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
