when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
