her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
