And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
